Comparison in yoga…

It happens to the best of us. We’re at a yoga class (or if you’re like me these days you just log in from your living room), look around, and think to ourselves…. Do I even belong here? 

• My yoga pants are circa 2008. 
• My backbend isn’t as deep as it used to be. 
• My once taut belly skin hangs like a hammock from my torso during Plank Pose. (No amount of engaging, zippering, or corseting is going to help the aesthetic… I don’t care what that 22-year-old yoga teacher says.) And let’s not even discuss what’s happening with the girls. (Note to self: Buy new sports bra.*)

These toxic, Mean Girls comparisons happen even more often in other areas of life.

• When I walk into my kids’ schools, I think everyone can tell I work at home by my worn-out wardrobe and messy hair.
• My car’s backdoors rarely unlock on cue so sometimes my kids have to climb in through the front in the car line.
• Other moms manage to feed their children organic vegetables at every meal, lace up their women’s running shoes* to run marathons, and start million-dollar businesses… I struggle to find five minutes for meditation some days.

Why can’t I figure this out and do better?

On yoga and comparison

The better question is this: Why are we so ugly to ourselves? We scrutinize everything from our yoga clothes to our bodies to our parenting prowess. What benefit do we get from this?

The scientific answer is that we’ve evolved to look for the bad—the scary stuff—because if we see a threat first, we can run or hide and save ourselves. It’s about survival. We’re conditioned to look for the negative… and we almost never see the good. Especially in ourselves.

It’s tragic if you think about it. 

Because there’s tons of GOOD around us (and in us!) if we just start looking for it.

And, really, feeling bad about ourselves isn’t going to keep us safe. I

If anything, in today’s world, feeling self-conscious and beating ourselves up only holds us back from our potential. If we don’t believe in ourselves, the people we work with will see that and question us, too. It’s not just about work. Sometimes that means our kids question our leadership and test our boundaries even more than they already do.

I won’t pretend to have the answers. Clearly, I struggle with this as much as anybody else.

But, through the years, I’ve found a few things that have been helping me. Maybe these tips will help you, too. 

3 Things Yoga has Taught me About Comparison and Competition

Make sure the comparison is fair. Don’t compare apples to oranges. 

One of the first lessons I learned as a new yoga student is that it’s not fair to compare yourself to others. 

For example, Karen in the front row might have been a competitive gymnast as a child. If you didn’t have that opportunity growing up, it’s not fair to expect your body to react to yoga as hers does. 

The same is true for parenting. The mom who seems to have it all together on social media might live next door to her parents to give her frequent breaks. She might have a full-time nanny. Or maybe she 

Remember to celebrate your wins. 

Each Friday, I message my friend three wins from the last week. She messages me hers, too, and we practice noticing the good and celebrating. Some weeks it is REALLY hard to think of three wins from my week. (And, yes, I can always think of many more short-comings…)

It takes practice to cultivate awareness of the good things. In yoga, you might have to practice a yoga pose thousands of times, often for many years, to master the little subtleties and techniques involved. (As soon as you think you’ve got it down, you’ll realize there’s more to learn!) 

The same is true for mindset shifts. So, find an accountability partner or take a few minutes to write in your journal at the end of the week and reflect on the GOOD you’re doing everyday. 

Remember you are exactly where you’re supposed to be. 

My yoga practice helps me infinitely with this because it gives me a place to practice accepting myself as I am. My hamstrings are tighter than I want them to be. My backbends aren’t as deep as they once were. I’m tired after just a few Sun Salutations. 

And you know what? That’s OK. 

Because I’ve been living in this body doing things that have to get done for my family. And it’s supposed to be this way in this phase of life.

I remind myself that yoga is a tool to support my life, not the other way around. We all go at different paces and have different bodies. Mine is serving me in exactly the way I need to support my life right now. I’m exactly where I need to be.

I’m incredibly grateful for that.

See also 90+ Positive Affirmations for Every Stage of Life

What lessons have you learned about comparison and competition from your yoga practice? Let’s have an honest conversation. Comment below!

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