Spoiled Yogi

This afternoon, I went to a class at a new studio. I unrolled my mat next to a cute couple, who seemed to be on a yoga date. The woman, wearing head-to-toe Lululemon, was clearly an avid yoga enthusiast. The man seemed to be taking his first-ever yoga class. It was pretty stinkin’ cute. As I was waiting for class to begin, my mind wandered. “Oh, why can’t MY husband get his ass off the couch (and away from the Final Four) long enough to share in something that’s SO important to me? I’m SO neglected…” (Wah wah wah!)

Then I heard this: “You see?… You use the strap like this. It’s for when you’re not flexible enough to touch your toes… You’ll probably need it because, well…” The woman’s voice trailed off as she gestured toward the man’s legs. He said nothing.

THAT’S when it occurred to me that perhaps my husband would rather watch basketball than come to yoga with me because, like the young woman who somehow managed to convince her boyfriend to come to yoga with her today, I’m a total yoga nag! I’m always nagging him to come to yoga with me, but he thinks I’d be an obnoxious know-it-all nag at the studio. He’s probably right.

Throughout the class, I noticed that when the teacher suggested the use of a prop, the Yoga Nag would turn around and motion to her beau that he should use it. (And many times he actually didn’t need to.) The poor guy did as he was told, then when his date turned around, he put the prop down and did his own thing.

When class was over and we were packing up our mats the Yoga Nag said out of nowhere, “Don’t worry. You’ll get the hang of it. You just need more practice.” Her Yoga Victim was silent. I have a feeling this would his first and last yoga class—and who could blame him?!

What I learned from yoga class today: It might be OK to nag your guy to do the dishes, but don’t nag him to go to yoga with you. And please, if you are ever lucky enough to get him to set foot in a studio, just keep your mouth shut during the class and let him experience it for himself.

On Saturday, I went to my first yoga class near my new home. I wasn’t sure what to expect from a Power Yoga class at a rock climbing gym, but I have to say it left me feeling grateful, inspired, and excited to explore a whole new yoga community!

The studio was beautiful. The people were friendly. The teacher, an athletic type, was decent. Though, I didn’t love his sequencing or that he kept saying “High Plank”–There’s only ONE Plank Pose, Mister.  But he offered some challenging poses, lots of Andrey Lappa-inspired arm stretches, and he said “damn”–which I happen to find hilarious in a yoga class setting. Here’s the context: “Some people, damn them, can bind in this pose. I don’t how! Oh yeah. Like that! That’s beautiful, and forget that whole ‘Damn you’ thing.” Ha!

Will the studio/rock climbing gym be my new home? That is yet to be determined, as there are a many more to try before I settle on one.

How did you pick your studio/teacher?

This time last year, I decided to try a detox. Why? I don’t really know. I guess it seemed like it is so popular in the yoga community, I thought I’d be missing out on something if I didn’t do it. I think I was secretly hoping I’d lose 10 pounds, my skin would become magically flawless, and I’d never crave sugar again! Sadly, none of these things happened. (Shocking, I know.) Instead I turned into a ravenous bitch. I apologize for the profanity, but there’s no other way to describe it. Even though I had gradually cut out things like caffeine, sugar, and dairy products until I was down to eating only fresh fruits and veggies for a few days, it was a complete shock to my system. When I got tired of the fruits and vegetables available to me I just stopped eating.

You see, here’s my problem with detox diets. Everyone seems to talk about these in the Spring, before watermelon and peaches are in season. Last year, all I wanted was watermelon and peaches and I would just about have driven to Mexico to get some, but I just didn’t have the energy.

I’ve only survived only one detox, and may never do another because, well,  I like food … However, here’s my advice for detoxing for whatever that’s worth.

— Don’t have unreasonable expectations. Detoxing might give some people limitless energy and perfect skin, but I certainly didn’t experience that. I’m sure it affects different people in different ways.

— Don’t detox in Spring just because that’s when the workshops are offered at your studio. Do it when your favorite fruits are in season.

— Don’t tell your non-yoga relatives or friends who live in the South. They’ll think you’re crazy and/or suffering from an eating disorder.

Are you cleansing this season? Do you have any advice to share?

When I enrolled in a 200-hour teacher training, it wasn’t because I wanted to be a teacher. I’m much too selfish for that. I want to learn how to sequence poses together so I could practice at home so I wouldn’t have to pay for yoga classes any more. (I’m selfish AND a cheapskate, what can I say?)

Anyway, I finished my teacher training, I worked at a yoga magazine where I took classes for 5 years, and I STILL do not have a home practice. I just… don’t. I know many poses inside and out. I know how to sequence and build up to advanced poses. I have all the best props. I have access to a TON of great yoga DVDs, podcasts, and iPhone aps. I KNOW how to practice on my own…

But I can’t DO it! I don’t know why. But I haven’t ever been able to carve out the time, unroll my mat, and get to business. I’ll practice some poses here and there, but it’s not a REAL home practice.

Anyway, it’s been two weeks since I’ve been to a yoga class, and I haven’t practiced more than 15 minutes at a time even once! It’s so FRUSTRATING! Lately, I spend more time thinking and writing about yoga than actually DOING it!

Am I the only one with this problem?

OK.. I’m going to go practice now. By myself. Ask me later how it went, so I can’t wiggle out of it, OK?